Tis the season of spending long days traveling only to sit at a table with your family and eat a murdered turkey. If you’re still tired from talking politics during the last holiday season—and from trying to flip your right-wing relatives all year—perhaps consider a different approach: humor. Below are a few jokes that will allow you to offer an olive branch of peace.
The Avocado Joke
An avocado, an apple and a raisin are all enjoying breakfast together.
The avocado says, “I’m so glad that America is a melting pot where we admire each other’s differences.”
The apple says, “It’s so wonderful that we live in a place in which we appreciate people of all shapes, sizes and skin colors.”
Suddenly, the raisin grabs a pitcher of purple juice and pours it over all three of their heads.
The avocado and apple cry out in unison, “What did you do that for?”
The raisin replies, “I’m making America grape again!”
Knock-Knock Joke
Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Bannon.
Bannon who?
A Bannon ever hearing this silly man’s name again, OK?
The Color Joke
What’s black, white and read all over?
The “failing” New York Times and Washington Post, whose subscriptions spiked to new heights this year!
The Classic Crayon Joke
Did you hear that Crayola is adding three colors to represent the new administration’s first year in office?
Yeah. Cheeto Orange, Bowling Green and White Privilege!
Animal Jokes
What do you get when you take two horses and attach big horns, shaggy fur and giant hooves?
Fake gnus.
What do you get after you attach two big butts to each of those animals?
Bi-assed fake gnus.
The Media Joke
What do you call an industry with thousands of low-wage workers who risk their lives overseas, help the little guy fight for justice back home and routinely investigate health hazards, waste and corruption?
“Enemies of the people.”
The Bubblegum Joke
Why did Sean Spicer swallow so much gum during his eight months in the White House?
He wanted to be sure something would stick around for another seven years!
