I’m telling you, I know good words. I went to a great school, and I’m very highly educated. I know all the best — I have all the best words. Really, you won’t believe how great all these words are. With me as editor in chief, you are going to be reading so many great words, you’re gonna get tired of them.
Ladies and gentlemen, this man in the back — you with the hat, stand up, please. Wow, what great energy, am I right? This guy knows great words. Thank you. I love this guy. This guy loves my words. OK, you can sit down again. Don’t go overboard.
Last week my crooked opponents at the other magazines — seriously failing magazines, all of them — said I couldn’t handle my words. Here’s a great word for them: DESPERATE! I don’t think they’re mentally stable enough to edit these things. Folks, you get these crooks on a masthead, there’s nothing you can do about it. *Jeers from the crowd* Although the First Amendment people — maybe there is, I don’t know.
We’re going to make San Francisco great again, people. Listen to me. We’re gonna build a wall — a great, beautiful wall — to keep the Los Angeles people out. And we’re gonna make LA pay for it.
— Your editor
