The Weirdest Shit Out of Silicon Valley
The Weirdest Shit Out of Silicon Valley is a weekly series from The Bold Italic documenting the bizarre news, gadgets, and developments in the tech world.
I love baths. Sitting in warm water with my Kindle and — if I’m feeling fancy — a scented candle is bliss. That’s why I’m pretty excited to hear about Kohler’s “Stillness Bath,” announced at CES 2021, a completely unnecessary but kind amazing feature-loaded smart bath.
The magic begins with the filling of the water, transforming a humdrum DON’T-OVERFILL-IT experience into a magically soothing forest bathing journey where the tub is supposed to overflow, slipping over the edges like a water feature into the so-called Hinoki wood moat surrounding it to “create a soothing sound.”
The video provided has no sound, so I’m just going to have to imagine a sound of calm and water splashes, which feel like a nice ASMR vibe. The tub itself has all the light features and can cycle through myriad colors of the rainbow. Aromatherapy oils also can be poured into the bath’s “experience tower” and users can control the depth and temperature of the tub as well.
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My favorite absolutely unnecessary but awesome feature is the bath’s fog machine — yes, FOG MACHINE — which surrounds the tub in a Rivendell-esque mist to make you feel like you’ve stepped into your very own music video/porno. Of course, all this magic can be controlled through voice-activated commands (via their app, I think, or maybe in conjunction with your smart home devices — the details are a little fuzzy) meaning you can feel like a GOD as you order fog, water, and heat on demand.
The bath should debut in October. Expect this thing to cost an eye-watering $16,000, meaning I’ll never get the IRL chance to test it out (sobs quietly).
