It’s no coincidence that Pokémon and start-ups are being mistaken for one another. Their unusual, quirky names were meant to captivate and inspire the imagination, which is a goal both parties share. But unless you spent your entire life living inside of a Game Boy Color or your entire life savings investing in one of the below, it’s impossible to tell them apart. Become the very best, like no one ever was…at knowing the difference between pocket monsters and failed entrepreneurial efforts with the quiz below.
1. Shnergle
Not snuggle, not gargle, but Shnergle. Try saying that without your face scrunching up like a goblin that just ate Sour Skittles. It’s a word so grotesque, it belongs in a film trilogy about elves and orcs. Unfortunately, it’s the actual name given to something that exists in our world. So which sounds more natural to you—“A wild Shnergle has appeared!” or “That’s interesting. Have you checked Shnergle?” Both scenarios make you feel slimy, but one of them is real. So what is Shnergle? A failed reconnaissance platform with voyeuristic undertones or a slippery Pokémon known for its mastery of deceit?
2. Spoink
If you consider yourself a foodie, then you may have heard of Spoink, the restaurant-reservation app founded by a group of former Airbnb employees. At least that’s what it sounds like, because it’s entirely possible that this app never existed and that Spoink is actually the name of a Pokémon that looks like a piglet and bounces around on a spiral-shaped tail while squealing, “Spoink! Spoink! Spoink!” Look, Nintendo had a lot of monsters to name, and not all of them could be winners.
3. Nebula
Nebula sounds pretty geeky, which means there’s a good chance that it’s a dead unicorn that once promised to transform standard servers into private cloud systems. But at the same time, Nebula also sounds nefarious. So maybe it’s actually a shady unicorn that hypnotizes enemies with its bejeweled horn. Both are convincing, but there can only be one. So what is your wager? A psychic horse that convinces Pokémon trainers to surrender their badges? Or a cloud-computing debacle that once convinced venture capitalists to part with $38 million?
4. Beautifly
If you have a history of wowing your followers with unblemished selfies, then at some point you may have used Beautifly, an award-winning retouching app that has since gone belly up. However, if the mere thought of sharing your own mugshot makes you cringe, then perhaps you’re more familiar with Beautifly, the vaguely Native American technicolored butterfly Pokémon famous for its Stun Spore attack. But which is it? Maybe you should ask an Instagram influencer.
5. Grooveshark
Is Grooveshark a funky turquoise Pokémon with hydro-cannons on its back or a web-based music streaming service that was sued for copyright violations? It could be both. Because on one hand, Grooveshark would be an excellent name for a musically inclined predator capable of swimming at speeds of up to 75 MPH. But on the other hand, Grooveshark could very easily be a defunct P2P site that once had streaming speeds of up to 128 Kbps. Underwater killer of Pokémon Sapphire fame or Spotify wannabe dead in the water?
6. Luxio
If Luxio sounds familiar, it’s because it was one of the first e-commerce aggregators that took items listed on thousands of fashion sites and put them all in one place. But what if it’s not that? What if it just sounds like that? Because what if Luxio is actually the name of an electric-type Pokémon that looks like a cross between Blue’s Clues and Abraham Lincoln?
7. Baroo
OK, this is an easy one, because Baroo is definitely the name of a friendly blue bear that served as a surrogate mother for a lost human child who grew up to become one of the greatest Pokémon trainers ever. Or it’s not, because Baroo is actually just the name of a pet concierge service that catered to luxury rental apartments until it was squeezed out by Wag. It’s more fun to think of Baroo as a four-pawed parental unit, but there’s a good chance that it’s just a failed doggy day care. Sorry.
8. Porygon
Porygon is a website that once allowed users to browse, distribute and download 3D objects for use in VR and AR applications. Or it’s easily the name of the world’s first artificially created Pokémon that can travel through cyberspace by reverting itself back to programming code. Both are unnecessarily complicated and probably shouldn’t exist. Except one of them does, and it’s either an obsolete library of OBJ files or a Japanese duck brought to life by scientists who somehow also knew JavaScript.
But look! A wild answer key appeared!
Failed start-ups: 1, 3, 5, 7
Pocket monsters: 2, 4, 6, 8
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Eileen Rinaldi, CEO and founder of Ritual Coffee. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
