I’ve been (mostly) single since I moved to the city six years ago. And I’ve had a lot of jobs during that time too. (This job-hopping is something I can rationally explain if you’re reading this and happen to be a recruiter or a creative director in search of a copywriter.) And looking back, I sometimes wonder what I’ve sent more of—job applications with cover letters, or opening messages on dating apps.
Turns out, both are pretty similar.
If first dates are like job interviews, then opening messages on dating apps are like cover letters.
Here are selected excerpts from a few of my best.
Hello. My name is Scott, and I’m writing in hopes that you will consider me for your opening for male company this evening (if, indeed, you are single and open to male companionship), and possibly for times in the near future (maybe forever?!).
I realize that I may not have experience commensurate with the requirements you have posted for this role, mostly because I don’t like to travel, am lukewarm on avocados and tend to spend my Friday nights not on a dance floor but at home bingeing on television shows and peeling and eating shrimp. (In fact, for the most part, I do not dance unless a gun is held to my head or I’ve consumed an alarming amount of alcohol.) But I am still somehow confident I could make you very happy if you just took a seemingly random leap of faith and gave me a chance.
I hope this message finds you well. I have already applied for your potential affection via a right swipe on Tinder, but figured it might not hurt to follow up here on OkCupid. I hope you will see this message as enthusiasm and not overeagerness.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have zero experience with polyamory but am the kind of go-getter who will try everything once. I’m also a team player and work well with others.
Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to read my message. I know you probably receive many messages that are similar in several ways to this one, but I hope my included dating-app bio will pique your interest enough to spark a conversation and maybe at some point an informal in-person meeting.
I can’t say I was looking to enter singledom and begin seeking a new significant other so soon, as I have just recently been let go from my most recent situation and am honestly still more than vaguely sad about it, but this seems like it could potentially be a great opportunity — one that could significantly change my life forever and hopefully for the better, along with, well, yours.
The dissolution of my aforementioned relationship was amicable, since both of us acknowledged that neither of us had for some time been particularly diligent in executing our roles as previously understood and initially expected. In fact, it went on for much longer than necessary, but to be honest, I had been waiting for some time for my former “other half” (her term, not mine) to broach the topic, as I am not great with confrontation. (In fact, I will list this as one of my greatest weaknesses if you ever ask.)
I would prefer full-time for this position, as I have been looking (almost desperately) for such for the better part of a decade and would enjoy the benefits that come with such a role, but understand that freelance dating may make the most sense, especially initially, as a trial period of sorts. I’d be more than willing to undergo a semiformal evaluation after about one fiscal quarter, if that would be agreeable, though I will also cede that I am in no real rush re: either a timeline or an official title.
If you take a look at my attached dating résumé, you will see that I have hopped around a decent amount and have not in the past decade held any position for much longer than a year, but I promise I can explain my reasons for leaving or being dismissed from any of these positions, and am confident I have learned from each experience.
My dear friend Brenda has referred me to this position after first mentioning a few months ago that it might soon become available and that I might be a great fit. Apologies if I’m reaching out too soon, and I acknowledge it’s always kind of weird when your friends set you up—because then those friends hear every detail from both sides when things inevitably go wrong—but dang it all to heck, let’s give it a shot anyway! If you agree that we should, you can reach me at any time of day or night at srm5082@gmail.com. I sincerely hope to hear from you.
My friend Steven previously occupied this position. You may or may not recall that we met when he brought you to a party once. Since he has since resigned — something I’m told he did without warning — I would love the opportunity to throw my hat into the ring. When you’re ready, of course.
Is it weird to try to date one of my friend’s exes? Sure. But in my opinion what’s weirder is his decision to terminate your relationship.
Hey! The Bold Italic recently launched a podcast, This Is Your Life in Silicon Valley. Check out the full season or listen to the episode below featuring Hunter Walk, investor and former head of product at YouTube. More coming soon, so stay tuned!
