Welcome back to another installment of the rental horrors that lurk on Craigslist and other dark corners of the internet. This month, we also dove into Facebook’s Marketplace and several Bay Area Facebook rental groups. In recent months, the Menlo Park tech giant has become Cragslist’s direct competition, not only for the sale of used goods and furniture but also for the rental market.
We reached out to Craigslist to find out if Facebook’s Marketplace has had any impact on its traffic or listings due to the site’s rising popularity. At the time of publication, they had yet to respond.
The main difference between the two sites is that on Facebook, you have a more personal way to deal with the person on the other end of the ad. Facebook Marketplace shows you if you and the person who posted have any mutual friends, as well as other listings by the same person you might be exchanging messages with. The marketplace tends to feature less creepy listings than those on Craigslist asking for sex or free work in exchange for housing. On the other hand, it has a lot more tech-oriented type of housing, like the one we start this month’s column with.
Giving Craigslist a run for its money
We quickly discovered that the SF Bay Area Rentals and Sublets Public Group on Facebook is a cesspool of expensive and downright ridiculous listings. For a whopping $2,250 a month, you can sleep on a Murphy bed(!) that comes with a detached work desk, which includes a USB connection and a desk chair. The ad claims that the property is a single-family home. Judging by the photos, it looks like it’s a converted triplex. In any case, the ad describes the room as “a private suite with code accessible electronic lock.” You also get a 49-inch flat-screen TV. The best of this hot deal? WiFi and utilities are included.
A repeat offender is back
If you’ve been reading this column, y’all remember Rick from San Jose, who kept posting a listing offering a broken-down van with an inflatable mattress. We first wrote about his “rentals” back in June.Well, he’s back! The ad offering the station wagon pictured above was flagged for removal, but before the ad was removed, it made the rounds on Reddit. We’ve been following Rick long enough to know that no mere flagging of an ad could keep him away. He’s currently offering a small trailer for $400 a month. You better believe this isn’t the last we’ll hear from him.
You shall not pass… the laundry room
Listen, the price on this one is incredibly appealing. Eight hundred dollars? What a dream! In Oakland? In 2019? Unheard of! As is often the case with these cheap rental options, nothing in this life is this sweet. This “room” with no closet leads to the laundry room, which means that the two roommates you’ll be living with will need access to your sleeping quarters in order to do their laundry. Inconvenient much? Is there a schedule for when the person who rents this room will need to be disturbed? The ad doesn’t say. But hey, you can use the balcony just off the laundry room, and there’s additional storage with a closet in the living room.
Another favorite: the commuter room
Back in February, when this column was started, we noticed a trend in spaces listed as “commuter rooms.” For a while, there was an increase in these types of rentals, and then they sort of faded into obscurity. But like our friend Rick from San Jose and his broken-down vehicles, commuter rooms are back, this time targeting money-tight college students. This particular listing, close to San Leandro BART, doesn’t show any photos, but it’s cheap at $540 per month — though it does have some limitations. As the ad reads, “No day sleepers no overnight guests or couples — room has limited hours — small fee for WiFi.” Who knows if you can comfortably sit down to work on homework or even have access to the bathroom or the kitchen.
Live in a mansion with 10 sexy roommates
Where to start dissecting this ad? First off, this so-called mansion is not even in San Francisco. The group of friends attempting to rent such a place are still searching for said gem. “Location of the mansion will be in the bay area from Los Gatos to Napa as we are in our early stages of lease and can discuss one all parties are signed,” the ad reads. Imagine having the kind of disposable income to waste $7,500 a month on this sort of living arrangement when you could be paying for a monthly mortgage?
Filth and mold, anyone?
This listing advertises five different rooms for rent, ranging from $400 to $833 each per month. But just take one scroll through the photos, and you’ll be screaming in disgust. A filthy toilet, a moldy shower, and a greasy stove are some of the amenities that await you. “If you are a smoker, please don’t apply or we kick out if we find you do smoke,” the ad emphasizes. We are fairly certain that cigarette smoke will be the least of your concerns if you rent one of these rooms in San Francisco’s Chinatown.
Share a loft and “other activities”
If you’re a “young gentleman” between the ages of 25 and 45, then you may want to consider this ad, which offers a one-bedroom loft to share with a 53-year-old woman. Not only will you share the loft, but also you’ll also share the “activities that may transpire within it” — which remain to be discussed, according to the ad. Whoever posted this listing doesn’t show any photos. It’s a loft, so expect minimal privacy. If you’re into older women and need a place to live, this ambiguous offer is one to consider.
A roommate to cuddle with
This lonely guy in the South Bay is looking for a poly roommate whom he can cuddle with. The ad says that he doesn’t have time to “look for the right one,” so this living situation works best. The ad is lengthy but lacks any description of the room in question. At least your future potential roommate can cook.
That’s it for this month’s hellscape of available rentals. Remember, if you come across any creepy, scary, or dubious rentals, send them our way! And if you or anyone you know is either working for free or trading sex in exchange for housing, we want to talk to you for a story.
See you in November with more!
