Do you remember your first summer job? Mine was working at an ice cream store in my hometown of Atlanta. It felt great to get my first paycheck; it felt terrible to end the summer realizing I had gained 15 pounds.
Still, jobs can be so much worse. Sometimes you get a job and are disappointed to find out that it’s not what you thought it would be. Other times, you can tell from the job description that it’s clearly terrible.
In this series, we like to highlight some of our favorite ads for such jobs in the hopes that you will be entertained/educated. And if you work in HR, you just might learn a thing or two about what not to do in your next job listing.
Your First (and Last) Modeling Gig
What: All this time, you’ve been spending money to look good, when these guys will pay you $1,500 to experience what it’s like to feel beautiful! Sure, they may not specify a location or credentials, and yeah, they may end up filming a reality porn and/or snuff film, but you haven’t lived until you’ve headed to the downtown / Civic Center / Van Ness neighborhood desperate for cash.
The Good: $1,500. And according to the title, these guys “can he” [sic] you launch your modeling career.
The Bad: Read the fine print, which says, “There is no logial reason for you to not do this.” Yes, that says “logial,” and no, that isn’t a word. But there are no fewer than a fuckload of logical reasons for you to not do this. One thing’s for sure — do NOT contact them with unsolicited services or offers.
TH@T’S WH@T I’M T@LKING @BOUT
What: I have absolutely no idea, but somehow you can “RENT OUT 1 P@RT OF [your] @CCOUNT.”
The Good: “YOU C@N @LSO BE ONE OF THE FEW WHO GOT IN E@RLY @ND M@DE B@NK BY REFERRING THEIR FRIENDS.”
The Bad: “SPOTS @RE LIMITED…” Also, you must relinquish the letter ‘A’ (and probably also ‘a’). Oh, and it’s clearly a pyramid scheme.
The Worst: The last line reads, “GETTING STARTED NOW________(((((( Bridgette.rentmyfb.club )))))).” Dammit, Bridgette, stick to your own rules! That should read, “ST@RTED”! Ugh, pyramid schemes these days.
Easy Money—No Questions Answered
What: As with so many posts on Craigslist, there’s not much information, and I’m not about to visit that URL.
The Good: Easy money, monthly, in your mailbox!
The Bad: Paul. Sorry to the other Pauls of the association, but this is some sketchy shit. The domain of the URL provided is “trck.me,” which looks like it’s short for “trick me,” which is not something you want to see in a job listing. It could also be “truck me” or “track me,” both of which also sound like terrible ideas.
Is This Legal?
What: An executive looking for an attractive assistant.
The Good: $45 an hour is good money! And it’s part-time work, so you’ll have plenty of time to spend that cash.
The Bad: You have to be attractive. Also, this job appears to be based in the Tenderloin, an area not exactly known for housing executives.
The Good, Revisited: They don’t specify that you have to be physically attractive! So if you’re known for your great personality, this might be the job you’ve been looking for.
Brah, It’s 2016
What: Hiring a driver for a one-way ride from Levi’s Stadium to San Francisco, which, we all know, is a very reasonable trip. “The game will end around 8:30pm, so we’ll probably meet you around 9pm.” Hmm, man, if only you didn’t have to plan the exact time to meet up. If only there was a way to arrange on-demand rides from one point to another.
The Good: Chris seems like a nice guy, and he’s quite handsome, if I may say so myself. What’s more, it’s a “super easy trip,” and you won’t have to pay for parking or anything (aside from, you know, gas and a car and the hours of your life that you’re never getting back).
The Bad: Either Chris is a goddamn idiot who doesn’t understand how to use Lyft, Uber, taxis or friends with cars, OR he is resorting to Craigslist because he didn’t pass the background check to ride Lyft or Uber. Either way, stay away!
Seen a weird job on Craigslist lately? Post it in the Comments section below.
