By Wendy Steiner
I was mugged in broad daylight at Mint Plaza. My story is a cautionary tale of sorts. I hope it serves as a reminder that you should consider what to do if you’re attacked before it happens instead of learning as you go and royally screwing it up, like I did.
I had just finished a horrible first day at a new job and was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up at our usual meeting spot in front of 54 Mint. As a rule, I try not to use my iPhone in public places, but the longer I sat there, the more comfortable I felt killing time on my phone and looking up less and less frequently.
When I eventually looked up from my phone, I noticed a guy in a Giants hoodie walking up from behind me. I suddenly felt anxious. I got a weird vibe from him, so I lowered my phone to my lap, but it was too late. The next thing I knew, the man was in my face. “It’s a nice night for you to give me your phone!” he said and grabbed my phone. It wasn’t until later that I realized that this was just about the lamest thing a mugger could ever say. I still wonder if it was his first time.
I had assumed that if I were ever faced with a fight-or-flight scenario, I would surely be the flying type — I was wrong. My shitty day at work and my impatience for my ride turned me into that person who has way too much confidence from taking karate classes at the YMCA (except I’ve never even done that). I planted my feet, grabbed the mugger by the sweatshirt, and yelled, “No, that’s my phone! Give me my fucking phone!” That’s when he punched me in the face. Four or five times.
After he stopped swinging, he started running away with my phone. He made it about 15 feet, then yelled, “Here bitch, you can have it!” and threw it at my feet, smashing the glass screen. I don’t know if he was worried that the people around were finally starting to notice that something was up or if he checked my phone, saw I had no games and rage-quit his own robbery.
I was so surprised to get punched that I actually didn’t even think to put my arms up around my face. Pro tip: if you’re ever getting attacked, you should act like one of those flailing inflatable tube men. Unfortunately, I acted like Kristen Stewart.
I had a bloody nose, two shoulder bruises, a bump on my right temple, and a neck scratch that was bleeding. It took me a minute or two to realize I was crying. I was shocked at how intensely the tears were gushing from my face. A fancy lady with a giant Louis Vuitton bag helped me collect my scattered and slightly bloody new-hire papers. I cried on her leather jacket, and she got me some napkins. I don’t know if those two things are related.
Another person came up to me and asked if I knew the guy. I resisted the urge to ask why he didn’t help me, whether I did or didn’t know the assailant. To be fair, the incident happened really quickly, but I was shocked and mad at the people around for not offering any help during the incident or even yelling, “Stop!” Another hot tip: try to travel with another person — a screamer, if possible.
After getting some ice from the nice line cooks at 54 Mint, I went home and called my mom. She said all the things a mother should say, including that I should call the police, which I hadn’t done, because technically, the guy didn’t steal my phone, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to identify him. But I ended up calling the police just because my mom wanted me to. The dispatcher told me she’d send someone over right away since I was involved in an assault case. I realized at that moment that I should have called sooner in case cops had been nearby.
Looking back, there were a lot of things I should have done differently. Aside from the fact that I finally had the opportunity to punch someone in the face without any moral dilemma but totally choked, I realized that I should’ve given up my damn phone without a fight. The police officer who wrote Craigslist’s “Tips for Clueless People Who Get Mugged” knows what he’s talking about when he says, “Give the friendly mugger what he wants. Don’t talk back or fight and CALL THE COPS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.” The call to your mom will probably be less scary for her if you’ve already filed a police report.
In the end, I learned a lot of other things from this experience. For example, identifying people is hard, and not everything is videotaped. CSI lied to us. I also found out that just because it’s daytime in a familiar place doesn’t mean you can completely let your guard down. Don’t believe me? Check out this adorable map of crime in SF. There’s a reason why the SFPD’s very first tip for robbery prevention is “Use all your senses to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Pay close attention to suspicious activities and persons. Carry yourself with confidence and alertness.” The next one basically says put your fucking phone away. What are you — stupid?
Illustration by Jon Stich
