Hundreds of films, from rom-coms like The Wedding Planner to comedies like Mrs. Doubtfire to disaster films like San Andreas, feature San Francisco’s hilly streets, famous bridges and Painted Ladies. And plenty of movies do a pretty bad job of representing our hometown — whether due to budget limitations or directorial ignorance. Maybe filmmakers showing young people in large homes have never lived in this city, or maybe they’re still picturing a place where we have to be sure to wear flowers in our hair — and can afford the flowers. I scoured American cinema and television to find the worst representations. These six films portray San Francisco in ways that baffle locals and residents.
The Princess Diaries
Sure, a teenager finding out she’s a princess is unrealistic. But not as unrealistic as the fabulous remodeled San Francisco firehouse that Mia Thermopolis and her single artist mother live in. The house from the movie went on sale in 2014 for 2.1 million dollars. Either Mama Thermopolis used some of that royal money to fund the firehouse, or she was a really, really, really successful artist. Little girls everywhere are growing up thinking that they can become princesses AND afford San Francisco real estate. You sold us lies, Anne Hathaway.
Pacific Heights
The tagline of this movie is “It seemed like the perfect house. He seemed like the perfect tenant. Until they asked him to leave.” Pacific Heights is a horror film about a creepy tenant who squats in the downstairs unit owned by a couple who has recently renovated their home and who can’t get him to leave. A world in which tenants are scarier than landlords? It’s quite a concept. The New York Times called the movie an “eviction thriller.” While many SF residents live with the “thrill” (threat) of eviction, this movie makes it seem like renters can get away with anything and like landlords are the vulnerable ones — which isn’t really accurate to our city.
40 Days and 40 Nights
In an attempt to avoid any date that will end in sex, Josh Hartnett takes the woman he is interested in on a daylong date on a Muni bus. They bond over people watching and getting squished by the crowd as landmarks like Haight Ashbury and the Transamerica Tower whiz by in the background. Cute, quirky, SF-local date idea? Totally. But a pleasant day on Muni without getting verbally accosted at least once? No chance.
What’s not realistic, though, is how easily they are able to find parking at the entrance to Alamo Square on a beautiful day in the culmination of the movie. I’ve seen engagements last for less time than the search for parking in NOPA.
Full House (and Fuller House)
A San Francisco classic, this show’s most realistic element is the amount of people shoved into a house to make living in the city affordable. The show even inspired an SF parody this year in the form of this “Unaffordable House” intro. But despite how unrealistic it is to “hug out” every problem faced by the Tanners, it’s a San Francisco classic that brings a heaping scoop of nostalgia to everyone who lived through the ’80s and ’90s.
The Rock
This Sean Connery-Nicholas Cage buddy flick is full of action and violence. For example: car chases down steep SF streets, helicopters and planes all over the skyline and even an exploding cable car. The premise of the film is that the unlikely duo must stop rogue Marines who have taken over Alcatraz Island. Add in the threat of terrorists shooting deadly nerve-gas rockets toward San Francisco and 81 tourists being taken hostage on Alcatraz, and you’ve got the basic idea. Though the movie was nominated for Academy Awards and got decent reviews, it makes the city look scarier (and more exciting, perhaps) than it actually is. We do sometimes see Nicholas Cage dining in North Beach sans a rocket launcher.
The Five-Year Engagement
Emily Blunt and Jason Segel take viewers through a journey of love that shows some of the realities of the struggles of being engaged and sacrificing your dream and preferred climate for another person. What’s not realistic, though, is how easily they are able to find parking at the entrance to Alamo Square on a beautiful day in the culmination of the movie. I’ve seen engagements last for less time than the search for parking in NOPA.
San Francisco Done Right
The animators of Inside Out did a beautiful job representing the aesthetics of San Francisco, but what most embodied SF was the famous pizza scene. The main character of the film is horrified to find that San Francisco has “ruined pizza” by sticking broccoli on top. A health-conscious food culture that plops greens on everything? Check.
Another animated film that made San Francisco (er, San Fransokyo) look beautiful was Big Hero 6. Complete with cable cars, rolling hills and a slightly modified Golden Gate Bridge, the city represents what the future SF might look like with just a little more Japanese influence. Despite some artistic license, it still looks and feels like our home.
