Pandemic Dating Diaries
The Pandemic Dating Diaries is a series from The Bold Italic that features moments in love, dating, and sex during Covid-19 directly from our readers. Have a story you’d like to submit? Email us or DM us on Twitter or Instagram.
A year ago, I started quarantining with my ex, who had signed up to foster a sweet brown pit bull named Sapphire. My then-boyfriend and I had a sick-and-tired relationship that never seemed to end. We had broken up three times in six months. When Sapphire entered our lives, it was like getting a baby to save a bad marriage.
We put all our energy into loving and caring for Sapphire, who blossomed from a shy pup into a playful girl. We soon learned that Sapphire didn’t get along with other dogs, often lunging at or intimidating them. We avoided letting her greet other dogs as much as possible. A month later, a horrific incident happened at the beach when she mauled a small white poodle that came up to us with no owner in sight. After hearing what happened, the city shelter took her back in and had her authorized for euthanasia.
My ex numbed his grief with video games. I agonized over the thought of having my dog killed over what seemed like a freak accident and wanted to get her into training rather than put her down. I contacted organizations across California, begging for help until I got an answer. My efforts paid off when a local rescue organization empathized with my story and did everything they could to help me save Sapphire and adopt her.
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After Sapphire’s return, I convinced my ex to go to Golden Gate Park with me to celebrate her freedom. I brought along chocolate shrooms. We only wanted to microdose, but when the shrooms hit, I realized I took too much and confided in my ex, “I don’t feel good. I’m having a bad trip.” Instead of reassuring me, my ex told me, “Your face looks weird.”
Sapphire began to bark at passersby, and I found it hard to stay calm. My ex told me to go sit somewhere else and walked away with Sapphire. In the middle of San Francisco, I sat on a grassy hill, feeling the full weight of my body and decisions. Even though he wasn’t there, I could hear my ex’s voice and his criticisms weighing down on me. I cried and then closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. There, I found a moment of strength and a pact with myself to find Sapphire a high-quality dog trainer right away. We left the park.
We made our way home in silence. He eventually told me I was “incompetent” and that he wanted to break up. Once we were at his apartment, he turned on his video game and told me to pack my things and leave. I sobbed, feeling stunned by his cruel words and the reality of Sapphire’s serious problem that I’d have to take care of alone.
After the breakup, with the help of my best friend, I moved into a dog-friendly housing situation in West Oakland and rejoiced in the fact that my new housemates loved pit bulls. Through a recommendation from a friendly neighbor who saw me struggling with Sapphire one morning, I found an affordable dog trainer who helped me muzzle-train and socialize Sapphire through his pack of mentor dogs.
My ex and I spoke very little after our separation, and like divorced parents, we communicated only to arrange dog walks and visits for Sapphire. For a while, the possibility of being together again remained in my mind. Thankfully, my housemate was also going through a breakup, and we encouraged each other to move on and dive into our creative passions.
One day, on my walk with Sapphire, I noticed a painter across the street painting a pink house green. Unlike my housemate, I wasn’t interested in checking out guys so soon after a breakup. Still, I waved hello, noticing the careful movement of his hands.
A few days later, I attempted to take Sapphire on a little walk around the neighborhood, when, in the middle of the street, she became a boulder that would not budge.
“Come on Sapphire, let’s go!”
No response from the wrinkly pup.
I looked up and saw the painter man coming down his ladder. I chuckled and noticed his dog on the other side of the fence approaching us. He asked if they could say hi, and I agreed, jumping on any opportunity to socialize Sapphire. He held his dog, Abey, between his legs so Sapphire could sniff her butt. He introduced himself as Matt, and after we exchanged a few words, Sapphire and I kept walking.
A week later, we saw Abey hanging out in the yard again. Through the fence, the girls said hi to each other. Matt came down from his ladder and chatted me up, asking me if I wanted to go on a dog walk. I thought about it but hesitated, needing more time. A month later, on a spontaneous weekday morning, we met up at Golden Gate Park.
We showed up at the same time, coincidentally both dressed in black and blue denim. Matt asked if I’d be up for a long walk. I said yes, relishing my day off. He took me to Strawberry Hill, and we ate veggie gyros by a waterfall. As we walked beside a small lake, I learned about Matt’s journey with Abey, a sweet mellow pittie who listened to every word he said. Matt told me that it wasn’t always like this — he thought about giving up on Abey many times in the beginning. He told me that I was a good mama.
When we walked across the entire park and reached Ocean Beach, we let the dogs run out to the open sand to get their zoomies out. Matt took photos of me and Sapphire together. In those photos, I am smiling and laughing with sand stuck on my face. Later that night, Matt texted me the photos and told me I have the most beautiful smile. I wasn’t used to his tenderness, but in a way, it softened me.
There aren’t many places to go during a pandemic, so we dated at home. We got to know each other through cooking healthy vegan meals together, sharing cozy nights, and going on morning walks together. Time fast-forwarded and we were often in awe of how easily we got along and how many of the same things we enjoyed. For the first time in my life, I was dating someone who told me how much he loved me every single day.
It feels surreal to be in a healthy partnership, one that has allowed me to fully detach from my ex. While Matt and I have disagreements, often rooted in his white male privilege and my triggers, we manage to talk through them, confronting our insecurities along the way. Who would have thought that in a pandemic we’d find love through our dogs? Whether it was fate or coincidence, I remember that love is a choice, just like rescuing and continuing to fight for Sapphire was a choice. Together, as a family, we define the meaning of resilience, knowing that even painful experiences can lead to the most beautiful awakenings.
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