The cycle of what constitutes a rental from hell changes quite quickly in the Bay Area. Last month, we wrote about broken-down minivans with inflatable mattresses for rent. This month, we’ve found a cargo trailer to call home, living/dining room converts, and plenty of creepy offers from male roommates that we strongly encourage you to run far away from.
In other rental news, the Southern California start-up Podshare is now advertising its hostel-type bunk beds in the Tenderloin for $1,200 a month. Yes, you read that right—a bunk bed in a room that you share with six other roommates. This type of rental isn’t necessarily horrific because it’s filthy or sketch; rather, it speaks volumes about the current housing crisis, when more than $1,000 can’t even get you a studio, let alone a room with some privacy.
USA TODAY analysis also came out with a first-of-its kind analysis this month, ranking San Jose and San Francisco as two of the least affordable cities for teachers to live. San Francisco’s Mayor London Breed recently proposed a charter amendment (currently awaiting a vote by the Board of Supervisors) to directly address affordable housing for teachers. If the supervisors approve it, the measure will be on November’s ballot.
While we continue the waiting game and the bureaucracy that comes with getting affordable housing built across the Bay Area, here we are — in the midst of summertime—with another batch of awful rentals lurking on Craigslist.
1. A Living Room—But Hey, You Get a Swimming Pool and a Sauna
This Japantown rental is one of the cheaper options out there, at $900 a month. Alas, it’s not even a bedroom; it’s a living room where you may sleep. But you do get a desk and shelf to call your own. Maybe that helps with the fact that you get zero privacy. At least there’s a balcony with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, and the building has a gym. There are definitely worse finds in this city.
2. Sleep in a Cargo Trailer
Down in San Jose, a man named “Rick” keeps posting his broken-down van, trying to rent it at $400 a month. We wrote about this dubious rental last month. He also had the listing shown above of a cargo trailer, which has now been deleted. The basics of both ads are pretty much the same: a cheap “place” to sleep with no other amenities. We’ll keep an eye on Rick and his questionable rentals.
3. Carriage-House Room with Weekly Cleaning Tasks
For $1,800 month, you can be part of Euclid Manor, a co-living community in Adams Points, Oakland. It sounds nice in theory: “a nurturing, clean, supportive home” for a mix of creative people. Perks include family dinners every Wednesday and Sunday as well as a community feel.
But given that you’ll be living in a house with 11 bedrooms and 13 residents, and have to pay $160 a month for a shared-food program and complete a laundry list of chores, it may be a bit much. Inquiring minds want to know, What is the appeal of living with way more than a handful of roommates? Also, if you have to complete mandatory chores, aren’t you better off paying rent to your parents or an immediate family member?
4. Converted Dining Room
With this particular listing, you’ll share a one-bedroom apartment with the main tenant and his Corgi in Oakland. For $800 plus utilities, you get a converted dining room “just off the kitchen and living room, separated by floor-to-ceiling curtains.” Plus, there’s no closet, but you can store your shit in a couple of random closets throughout the space or on the second patio.
5. Quirky Attic in Berkeley
We’ve gone through this before: nothing good ever comes out of attics. Not even the cute bunny could possibly save this ad. Listings that don’t show what the space looks like make it particularly odd. You just have to trust what the ad says: “It’s an attic space with a large skylight and open space (about 15' x 12'). Comes furnished with bed, lamps, bookcases, and rugs. Note: space is quirky, and you must climb up a pull-down ladder in the kitchen! We believe the quirk is well worth the price!”
Imagine coming home late at night and having to climb the pull-down ladder in the kitchen?
6. Free Room, but You Gotta Wear a Maid Uniform
We’ve been tracking these “work exchange / free rent” types of listings for a few months now. While some of them seem like a legitimate exchange that might benefit a handful of renters out there, others, like this one—which was originally listed out of Burlingame (deleted now)—truly made us shake our heads and want to call the cops. Part of the ad read, “Always be pleased to help and eager to follow directions flawlessly to deliver the best possible experience to your host.” It sounded like someone with a maid fetish or the early stages of the script for a low-budget porn.
7. Creepy-Dude Alert with Offer of Free Housing
This 50-year-old man is advertising a free room for a female in Daly City, as well as the use of a car, to find someone who will complete errands and cleaning that “can last indefinitely.”
We’re sure this man has no ulterior motives at all….we’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: please don’t fall for this type of trap. These listings are from men taking advantage of the awful housing crisis—and the fact that the Casual Encounters section on Craigslist no longer exists.
That’s all we have. Remember—if you come across any creepy, scary, or dubious rentals, send them our way! See you next month with more!
