By Ann-Marie Alcántara
Are you losing all hope in ever finding a full-time job that offers basic benefits, like dental? You’re not alone, which is why, I, aspiring millennial who’s applied to over 200 jobs, have finally created the only way one should apply to jobs: with a case of beer, a wine stash, hard liquor, and a drinking game for when it gets real.
While I don’t endorse pressing “send” when playing this game, it should at the very least make applying for your dream job a little more fun. Good luck and hopefully we’ll all get the 401(k)s soon!
Stage 1: At The Beginning of the Search
Drink every time:
- A company makes you sign up for an account to apply for a job.
- An entry level position says you need at least 3–5 years of experience.
- The listing says to make your cover letter fun but only a paragraph.
- You find an emoticon or GIF in the listing.
- You tweak your cover letter for a new job.
- You update your LinkedIn profile.
Stage 2: During the Search
Take a shot any time you read these words in a posting:
-Energetic, flexible, team-player, creative, detail-oriented, excellent verbal and written skills, positive attitude.
Take a shot every time you see this:
-Bachelor’s degree required
-Proven track record
-Ability to lift 20–30 pounds
-Proficiency with Word and Excel
-Strong oral and written communication skills
Take a specific shot of Fireball if:
- There is any mention of a ping-pong table in the listing.
- Every time you’ve had to “congratulate” a friend on LinkedIn.
- Whenever you get an email from LinkedIn telling you that “people are looking at your LinkedIn profile.”
Shotgun a beer if:
-They require some test that is about 3–4 hours long.
-You see Inbox (1) but it’s just an email from your parents and not a job offer.
Stage 3: When You Realize There Is No End to the Search
- Keep refilling your wine glass if you’ve sent in your 10th job application for the day.
- Drink the entire bottle / beer if there are no benefits listed and/or if it will start out as a contractor position.
- Do a power hour if you’ve received at least one job rejection from a job you applied to a year ago.
- Play a game of beer pong if you’ve had an interview but haven’t heard back and it’s been over a week.
- Line your framed diploma with salt and vow to do only do tequila shots this way.
- Pat yourself on the back if you have over 200 job related emails but are still unemployed.
Top photo courtesy of Sierra Hartman.
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