I am reluctantly here to tell you important news: You can shop at Goodwill on the internet. Secondhand stans like myself have a tendency to keep their favorite sources to themselves. And while I hate to create more competition on bidding for some truly one-of-a-kind wares, in the spirit of averting patronage from Amazon and other big-box stores this holiday season, I recommend you take a look at Goodwill’s online marketplace (in addition to shopping small).
Not convinced? Check out this Goodwill campaign that superbly articulates the impact your purchase could make. I’ll wait.
So follow me down Vintage Lane and spot a gem or two, perfect for any friend or foe!
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All I want for Christmas is booze
There is nothing more festive than a little booze-mobile that sings you a song while it wheels in the liquor of your choice. Keep the jingling and the pouring going; 2020 has been rough for all of us.
Money, money, money
Maybe you know someone who is fully disinterested in the idea of financial responsibility. Then consider gifting that loved one this piggy bank with the longest eyelash extensions I have ever seen glued to it. They will be so confused by this bizarre item, they might actually keep some money in it — just to make sense of the matter.
Pipe dream
A distinguished gift for a distinct person. The most interesting man in the world may have Dos Equis. But I’m pretty sure whoever smokes out of this pipe has a couple of great stories in them as well.
Decor amour
Do you have a pal with the most morbid of souls, and nothing seems like an appropriate gift? Clearly, a trip to Target just isn’t going to cut it. Well, your search is over. Now you can get that special person a taxidermied bat! And as it’s three inches square, that’s small enough to carry a little death with them everywhere.
Not just furniture
Don’t worry about wrapping this inconspicuously. Once that paper gets peeled off, your wrestling fanatic will be sure to lose their shit. But maybe have a helmet on when the reveal happens; they might get a little overzealous and start practicing some moves.
Because freedom
This one is great for those on either side of the aisle. For the patriots out there, it can be hung on their walls with pride. For those who feel a little differently, they can exercise their First Amendment right and set this gift ablaze — because freedom.
Dress to impress
We’ve all been young and had an identity crisis. Hell, I’m not sure mine’s over yet. So what better solution than an ostentatious accessory that boldly states your name? Or maybe you have a very forgetful grandfather. If this is the case, please buy this tie bar and comment with photos attached of him wearing this amazing piece of jewelry. We all need to see it.
Green eating
This kitschy piece of dishware makes any meal look healthy. Want to eat that fifth piece of cake but feel bad about doing it? Throw that cake on this plate and tell yourself it’s a salad! Don’t mind the fact that the eggplant is the same size as the tomato! It’s all relative!
Glass half full
I’ll be perfectly honest; I don’t know who this science-fiction-esque Eisenhower decanter would be great for. An alcoholic history buff? A goth time-traveler? An avid collector of off-kilter U.S. memorabilia? But this was produced, so it was intended for someone, right?
All in all, perhaps none of these gift ideas are right for your loved ones. My point is, there’s a lot of great stuff out there and plenty of bat-shit-crazy stuff too. Consider shopping secondhand more often because, based on this list, I think everything already exists.
