By Jessica Lanyadoo
I tried, and failed. Multiple times. Nothing I try — everything I want and believed I could do and achieve is impossible. Now what? How does one learn to accept a lonely, meaningless, and pointless existence? — R.A.J.
I wish I could ask you some questions, RAJ. Like how old you are, what you tried, and how you know it’s impossible to get past where you struck out. I don’t want to be a Pollyanna and tell you that everything is great and you’ll be great, because the truth is that in life most of us don’t get health, love, money, and a rainbow with our name in it. Life will have its pains, its disappointments, and its failures, but they’re not meant to prime you for misery. They are roadblocks for sure, but there are almost always other roads. Failure does not need to define you; in fact, it’s your job to not let it. There are those who never know the crushing presence of failure. They are a lucky minority. Most of us struggle, and it is possible to accept failure as a call to look in new directions for your success and happiness. Do not accept a meaningless life, RAJ. Find meaning. Do not accept loneliness, and settle into it like it’s inevitable. Make yourself vulnerable, try to connect to new people, situations, even nature in new ways.
Start small and look for pleasure in something like movies or music. Become a pleasure seeker, even if only in superficial ways. When you’re in such a down place it’s really hard to get perspective and see the broader picture, so shift your position to see things differently. If you fake it till you make it, you will be able to figure out your next moves. Life is not pointless. It’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but there is a point. We are here to experience love. Love of nature, of others, of ourselves, of “god,” or enterprise. Love. Make it your goal. Find something to love; life won’t be magically fixed, but it won’t feel pointless either.
Take care!
XO,
Jessica
The Mission’s resident advisor gets booked months in advance by San Franciscans seeking help with everything from figuring out their love lives to communicating with their pets. So we asked Jessica if she’d come on board to do a weekly advice column, Truth Talk, for The Bold Italic. If you have a burning question for Truth Talk with Jessica Lanyadoo, email her at truthtalkwithjessica@gmail.com, and check back on Wednesdays to see if she has an answer for you.
