Written and illustrated by Kelly O’Grady
Recently, I went to a local art show at a fancy-pants gallery. Sure, I could tell you I have a passion for art; but in truth I was there to cram as much free wine and beer as possible. (Lest you judge, note that I put a couple of bucks into the donation bin to keep my conscience clear.)
I was walking around with a pretty snappy buzz going and enjoying all the art that was on the walls, chatting up the crowd; I live to schmooze at public functions. I can’t tell you why.
Then, like a patchouli tornado, a tribe of hippies appeared out of nowhere and descended on the snack table. I saw the alpha hippie tip a bowl of Doritos right into his mouth and then drink a cup of ranch dressing.
Also, they had a kid in a poncho with them who was running around, touching the art. This was San Francisco, so everyone ignored the raiding party.
The poncho kid yelled for my attention. Then he bowed and hocked up a huge string of phlegm right on the floor. After it stuck to the floor for a second, he sucked it right back into its place of origin and bowed again.
The crowd were clearly not fans of performance art, because they didn’t look enthused.
After that, the poncho kid ate an entire bag of chocolate-covered coffee beans. Then he went fucking ballistic and was kicking over everything he could and screaming, “I am Merlin!”
Generally, art shows are just a bunch of people milling about, pretending to care about art, but sometimes something truly amazing can happen.
