It seems like people no longer attend music festivals for the music. Amidst a sea of inebriated socialization, flower crowns and exposed underbutts, the melodies become lost things, while the act of publicly documenting the experience becomes paramount — everyone takes out their phones to send Snapchats of the artists. We would like to think San Francisco has a vague immunity to this cultural phenomenon, but it’s not always so. But we do believe that Outside Lands is a better option for people who love live music, but hate people.
Here’s an Outside Lands survival guide for the less socially inclined. You, too, can have a fantastic experience. Take it from someone who knows.
1) Ditch #fomo in favor of pacing yourself
Whether you’ve purchased a single day or all three, the bottom line remains the same: you paid a lot of money for those tickets. It can be tempting to wed yourself to the goal of rushing around each day, with the intention of filling every spare moment with music consumption.
This tactic works for many, but it can be difficult to those who are overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. Avoid the Sunk Cost Fallacy. You will enjoy the festival more if you don’t feel the need to be a completion-ist. Become a student of your own limits, and don’t overextend yourself.
Many festival-goers will be gorging themselves in Winelands or Beerlands. Kudos to those who do — we have only positive vibes! But we also celebrate those who know their limits. You probably don’t want a head-splitting hangover in the middle of a Metallica set. There’s no shame in a dry day or three.
You probably don’t want a head-splitting hangover in the middle of a Metallica set. There’s no shame in a dry day or three.
2) Familiarize yourself with the map and the lineup
Be aware of the acts you want to see, where they are located, and what time they are playing so that you can effectively navigate the crowds. Assume that the acts become more popular as the day progresses, and tailor your movement patterns with crowd control in mind. If you notice a particular time-block where there aren’t any performers you’re interested in, make a dash to the food carts. The lines will be more manageable. Conversely, use that time to enjoy whoever may arrive at the stage where you’ve already set up camp. There is no better form of music discovery than seeing a fantastic performance.
There are usually a number of alcoves tucked away from the action. Though there will still be ample foot traffic, some of the activities are solitary and offer a brief respite from the roiling masses. In 2015, we spent an hour coloring in an “adult summer camp” corner, listening to the distant crooning of Django Django. The floor was covered in area rugs and floor cushions. The best part is that no one disturbed us. After that, we headed back out into the fray for some Porter Robinson.
3) For artists you really care about, get to the stage early to scout out a prime location
We aren’t suggesting you arrive early in order to push to the front of the crowd — standing room only or any form of moshing probably aren’t your thing. Luckily, a number of the Outside Lands stages are grassy bowls, sloping gently at the sides to offer a better view of the performers. This is where a blanket comes in handy. If you get there before the act hits carrying capacity, you can easily find a docking spot in the mid-range between stage visibility and being on the fringes of the crowd. Beach chairs aren’t allowed, so if you’re sitting at an adequate slope, you’ll be just fine. Near the Land’s End stage, there are usually picnic tables. If you get there early enough, you can stake one out as your own.
4) Make sure you pack everything you need
If you don’t want to engage in unnecessary socializing, make sure you won’t need to borrow supplies from any other festival goers. We always recommend a reusable water bottle, lawn blanket, hand sanitizer and tissues — especially handy when the bathrooms run out — and a fall jacket for when Karl visits. We also usually bring Tylenol, a granola bar and sunscreen (if it’s actually sunny outside). And don’t forget your phone, wallet and ticket wristband!
In our humble opinion, the food carts are worth the excursion. But if that seems overwhelming, don’t forget to pack something substantial to eat.
Seriously, don’t try to meet at the windmill.
5) Communicate with your friends ahead of time
There’s an 11 out of 10 chance that cell service will go to shit the moment you enter Golden Gate Park. Nothing puts a damper on a morning well spent more than missing Alt-J in order to find your hapless friend. It’s great to go to Outside Lands with reinforcements, but if your tastes diverge considerably, consider vocalizing a plan to split up ahead of time. If it’s just an act or two you’d like to see separately, choose a meeting place, and set time parameters.
And just in case those parameters don’t work — or if you picked the windmill as a meeting spot, like literally every other person — make sure you both know how to get home safely. Seriously, don’t try to meet at the windmill.
Did we miss any anti-social strategies? Let us know in the comments.
