It’s a fact that San Francisco is America’s greatest city for make-out sessions. Just try having a make-out session in Chicago sometime, and you’ll freeze your lips together. Or New York City, where everyone has permanent “pizza breath.” Our city features many picturesque locations to play as backgrounds for your French-kissing escapades, so why not second-base with your partner all over town when the light is fantastic!
The Shanghai tunnel underneath Artist & Craftsman Supply (North Beach)
Artist & Craftsman Supply is my favorite art store in San Francisco. They have everything you need, and the prices are very reasonable. Plus it’s close to all kinds of great bars, so you can drink absinthe and pretend to be a beat poet after you finish shopping. The really cool thing about Artist & Craftsman Supply is downstairs in the paper section. The building features a subterranean tunnel that was used to Shanghai sailors in the 1800s. Remember, history can be erotic. You’ll probably be interrupted by some tour guide dressed as Emperor Norton, though.
Downstairs in City Lights bookstore (North in Beach)
Do you want to go to the very spot where Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg made out? Possibly one of the most significant make-out sessions in literary history! Though I cannot confirm this event took place, it is a distinct possibility. Pass the girl at the counter who looks like Velma from Scooby-Doo, and head downstairs to where the film and science-fiction sections are, and you’ll discover many tucked-away book sections that are perfect for getting your smooch on. I would suggest the Eastern Medicine section. Or you can second-base it in the obscure science-fiction section. Philip K. Dick’s ghost is probably watching.
The window installation at ATA (Mission)
Artists’ Television Access in the Mission is the premier spot for experimental film and performance. If you want to watch a short film of a man popping balloons stapled all over his body, this is the place for you! They also feature art-installation windows outside that always feature something interesting, like a girl regurgitating honey into a wooden box and reading a letter from her mother. I suggest booking the window and feature yourself and your partner making out while squeezing peanut butter sandwiches. Heck, you may get an art grant.
Portsmouth Square (Chinatown)
Ah, Chinatown. I love the people who decorate Portsmouth Square. The old ladies doing their dance routines to Chinese pop music and the old men who chain-smoke and play mahjong as the distant sound of Wuyue fiddles floats through the air. So much activity is happening here that your rude make-out session will largely go ignored.
The little nook in the California Academy of Sciences’ aquarium (NightLife)
Also known as “the children’s eel grotto,” this is perhaps the most highly sought-after spot for making out in San Francisco. Downstairs in the California Academy of Sciences is the aquarium, in which there is a wide variety of sea creatures to observe. I suggest splitting half a pot cookie and a box of wine and finding this little hideaway spot to play tonsil hockey. Though I recommend waiting for an adult event like NightLife to attempt this—just to keep it classy.
BONUS: The Makeout Room (Mission)
The name says it all—this place is custom fucking designed for your needs. You can grope each other as you spill rum and Cokes all over the dance floor with old ska music as the soundtrack. It really is a great bar and venue. Much better than the Hand-Job Room in the Outer Sunset.
All illustrations by Kelly O’Grady. Follow him on Instagram.
