Hey, all you freedom-loving, liberal-minded nerds! Are you as miffed as I am about the ragtag state of the rebellion? Well, here’s a news flash — you don’t need to be from a galaxy far, far away to apply the universal principles of the Force to our contemporary political hellscape. No time like the present to take some inspiration from our noble Jedi heros and save our humble planet from imminent vaporization.
I can feel your anger
Whether it’s the Paris Agreement, the trashing of the Constitution, Yemen, police brutality or an absent father who turned to the dark side, there’s always so much to lash out at in anger. Life is one big trigger warning! But for Binks’ sakes, not giving into anger and fear is like the first day 0f Jedi kindergarten. You might as well be buying yourself a one-way ticket to Darksideville, cuz that’s where you’re headed, kid. Instead of flailing your lightsaber all over town, get centered! Stop it with the name calling and oh-so-clever protest signs. Quit your impotent whelps for impeachment. Yes, it feels soooo good to strike back, to answer the call of the dark side. Becalm that anger, and you’ll gain the clarity and perspective to see the situation for what it is.
Find the weakness
When you’re badly outmatched, you can’t go chasing down every damn TIE fighter. You need to identify that one-shot-blows-up-everything weakness and then commit your limited resources toward exploiting that fatal flaw. Think David and Goliath (to reference another relevant mythological struggle of old). Maybe it seems soooo obvious to you now not to try to straight up wrestle with Goliath and instead launch a rock into his frontal lobe. But at the time, this was a super-innovative maneuver. Disruptive even! The rebel forces (the Star Wars kind, not the Israelites) recognized that a slingshot-style assault was their only chance. They weren’t wasting their time on intergalactic Twitter, making fun of Darth’s pinkish complexion or saying anything pejorative about his hands (“When you’re a Jedi, you can just grab them by the pussy — using the Force!”). No! They stayed focused and banded together for their one big chance at survival.
Concentrated vs. diffuse targets
Unfortunately, in real life, there’s usually no big, ol’ honkin’ target so obvious as a planet-killing Death Star. When targets are so diffuse, it’s difficult to decide along which front to line up your limited firepower. This diffuse threat is perhaps one of the strongest defenses of the modern-day empire. Particularly in light of a rebellion that has no clear leadership and thus no ability to coordinate or focus. Everyone in the rebellion has their own agenda — save Endor, avenge Jabba, save the polar bears, socialize health care and so on and so forth. But if we can’t see beyond the petty Balkanization of our immediate interests, we will never band together around a common cause and create a winning strategy.
An inspiring leader might be helpful right about now
Where is our Princess Leia? Is there no one worthy of donning the regal sidebuns of leadership? Jedis aren’t so much leaders, but they know that they need inspiring non-Jedi leaders who can make shit happen and help get a Jedi and her/his special-ops team in a position where they can tactfully apply the Force to the greatest possible effect.
Take one for the team
Sometimes Jedis take one for the team. They are imbued with the perspective to see that they can become more powerful by bowing out and making way for the next generation. Bernie, Hillary, Biden — love you guys, but you played such a big part in getting us into this mess. So much baggage. Instead of eking out a few more years in the spotlight trying to play savior, it’s time to get all Obi-Wan, peace out and throw your support and guidance behind some plucky young Jedi blood.
Sith Lords are a dime a dozen
It’s hard not to give big, bad hombres all the attention. They tend to be the locus of the marketing campaigns of each episode, and to some extent, those flashy saber-humming battles are unavoidable. But make no mistake—these henchmen are merely doing the bidding of their true puppet masters, whether they be the Emperor, Karl Rove, the Mercers or the Koch Brothers. Intuitively, it seems like Trump or DeVos or whatever bully of the moment must be defeated. But being so fully consumed by the dark side, they are primed to turn upon themselves. Let them fall upon their lightsabers and become the agents of their own destruction. Eventually, the rebellion’s gotta take on the head honchos with the real power, or it’s always gonna be another Sith Lord or fallen Jedi or super-mega new Death Star.
Play the long game
How do we always get into this position? We were so busy with our heads up our arses trying to secure crumbs of funding for evidence-based social programs to de-traumatize underserved communities, and then — oh look! The Galactic Empire has been scheming for who knows how many decades, laying the groundwork for total domination. Where the heck is our long game? George Soros? Anyone else want to step up and invest in some infrastructure? Think tanks, TV and radio stations, publishing houses, movie studios, school-board takeovers, etc. Otherwise we’re just flailing around endlessly in the sand pits of Tatooine. Jedis know long game. While everyone else plays their petty war games, Jedis go off to a distant swamp to train and prepare for when they can actually make a difference.
Cue Jedi theme music
You know that John Williams music that plays in the background when a Jedi transcends a vital choice point by actually using the Force? Now imagine that music playing in the background of our current cadre of politicians. Where would that music fit? Obama’s first inauguration? Yeah, that works. Elizabeth Warren taking on the banks? That hot minute when Eliot Spitzer looked like he was gonna root out corporate corruption? OK, I’m stretching here. Point being, our republic is desperately short on Jedi theme-music moments these days. My suggestion is, when everything is on the line, cue the music and start acting like a frikken Jedi! Even if you’re the furthest thing from Jedi material, if you’ve got that theme music going, you can fake it ’til you make it. Whether you’re pulling off some gravity-defying telekinesis maneuver or serenely about to get vaporized by a Sith Lord, it’ll be inspiring and cool.
And finally…use the Force.
Duh!!!
“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.”
