By Ann-Marie Alcántara
Love is grand, ain’t it? That is, until you break up with someone in a city as small as San Francisco, where we’re all separated by a just few degrees. That means you need to add a few of those degrees back in between you and that significant other once you two part ways.
Here’s a list of the unfortunate consequences of ending a relationship in San Francisco. Feel free to add the things you’ve had to give up in SF in the comments section.
1. Your go-to brunch place
There’s a hole in my heart that Toast Eatery used to occupy, where I spent many Saturday and Sunday afternoons, nursing a hangover while eating eggs off of my old boyfriend’s plate. While breaking up is terrible in general, nothing is worse than having to say goodbye to a place that reminds you of your old significant other and their incredible poached eggs and hash browns.
2. Your favorite trivia night
Counting down to trivia night is a weekly highlight for those of us who know way too many obscure facts. But these contests of wit are far less fun when you’re dodging your ex. Finding a good trivia night is almost as hard as finding an apartment in SF, and thus beings your search again post-breakup.
3. All the spots in your ex’s hood that you kept meaning to check out when you slept at their place
You fantasized that one day you’d enter that pottery store, but there’s no reason to shop there now when it could look too much like stalking. Speaking of which …
4. A perfectly great neighborhood to wander around solo
Imagine the horror of being caught wandering alone in your ex’s hood! If you do ever meet a friend near the ex’s place, you make sure to be there on time.
5. A shorter and more convenient route to work
Real-estate envy is real and giving up sleeping in doesn’t help the breakup process at all. Oh to live by the J again and have that 20 minute work commute.
6. A MUNI / BART/ Caltrain buddy in the morning
One of the few redeeming qualities about riding public transportation is that commuting is suddenly romantic when you have a special buddy helping you start the day. Goodbye to all those “Have a great day at work” kisses.
7. Your Dolores Park picnic spot
That sweet grassy patch where the sun still hits at 4:30 p.m. is no longer available because you used to spend time there together. Your ex took you there because they loved that spot so much, and they’ll be sure to take someone new there too.
8. Places you wanted to explore with them
Farewell to ever going to the Bounce House or the Armory. You’ll just have to wait however many months it takes to get a new crush to go with you.
9. Your partner for weird events like cave raves
Despite San Francisco being known for its oddball parties, it’s a lot harder than it seems to convince your friends to come to these parties with you. But with a significant other, it was much easier — until of course, ya know, RIGHT NOW.
10. Your rock climbing / belay buddy
Just when you were finally going to the gym three times a week, you now need to search for a new climbing buddy. Who’s going to check you out while also making sure you’re safe?!
11. The glee of being that obnoxious couple living the dream in San Francisco
You used to be that MUNI couple who would hold onto one another when the car got packed, but now you’re just crowing in the middle, hoping you don’t fall.
As hard as letting these things may be, though, just remember that we all eventually find new people to share our favorite places with (and then avoid those favorite places) all over again. As for me, I’m a little more hesitant to reveal my favorite brunch spots — breaking up with food is much worse than ending a relationship.
Top photo courtesy of Josiah Mackenzie/Flickr.
