Are you stressing over what to bring to yet another awkward holiday party gift exchange? If you live in a blue state, you’re probably still in post-election mourning; hence, I’ve assembled a list of white-elephant gift-exchange gifts to inspire conversation and relieve stress.
Note on content: there are many references to “pussy” in this story.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Prayer Candle
Oh, RBG, deliver us from the evil one. May lice, boils and nasty women be upon him. I will not forgive he who should trespass on my 14th Amendment rights. Praise be upon my pussy. I bought three of these.
Donald Trump Toilet Paper
I can’t stop imagining wiping my ass with this. For #2 only. He’s not getting anywhere near #1.
Blue State Flask
This is for day-drinking the pain away or to take to a Kanye West concert.
Elizabeth Warren Thong
The only politician I would trust to safeguard my loins from assholes.
Teardrop Plushie
For those of us who still cry ugly over the election sometimes, this teardrop named Uru-Uru can help.
Michelle Obama for President T Shirt
Get ready for 2020.
Mike Pence Voodoo Doll
Where will you stab him first? NAN’s Etsy Shop is on vacation, but if you contact her here, she is willing to accept some custom orders.
Donald Dog Chew Toy
Enjoy watching Fido hump Trump or tear that wig right off his head and rip out his stuffing.
GOP Elephant Piñata
Here’s to whacking the candy out of the Republicans in the 2018 midterm elections.
Buy yours here, or head to the Mission—Discount City at 24th and Mission carries Trump piñatas.
Donald Trump Punching Bag
KO the President Elect. Punch and kick. Repeat.
Clinton Pillow
For those of us who want to wrap our arms around HRC and say thank you.
Pussy for Planned Parenthood
Pretty! Fifty percent of the proceeds go to fund Planned Parenthood.
Pile of Trump Flags
Four years of this?
Add your gift ideas in the comments.
