Despite San Francisco’s gleaming tech industry, it is still somewhat of an outlaw town that has never quite shaken its Gold Rush past. This has become increasingly apparent to me after moving to the Pacific Northwest after years of being a NorCal resident. Indeed, there are a thousand things you can get away with in San Francisco that would set off alarm bells even in the most liberal and so-called “weird” cities in the PNW, including Portland.
I’ve drawn up a list of differences between the Bay and the PNW that I have discovered on my travels, sometimes accidentally.
1. Drinking on the Bus
Public intoxicationis a beloved freedom enjoyed by every San Francisker. There’s nothing like cracking open a tallboy during your two-hour commute home from work on a smelly, old bus. Try cracking open a beer on a bus in Oregon, and they will pull over and kick you out in a fucking minute.
2. Smoking Pot on a Bar’s Patio
Given that weed is legal in Oregon, you would think that you could light up a fat doober at a bar patio or farmers’ market, but you would be wrong. If you want to spark a bowl, you have to go hide in an alleyway like an animal. In the Bay Area, you could blow pot smoke into a baby carriage, and nobody would raise an eyebrow.
3. Drinking in Public (Not on the Bus)
In San Francisco, someone is getting stabbed or hit with a skateboard every three seconds, so if you’re walking down the street with a beer in a paper bag, you are far down on the list of police officers’ concerns. In Oregon, if you are caught drinking in public, you will be slapped with a $250 ticket and/or made to spend a day in court. The worst part is that they will make you pour out your organic and locally and independently brewed IPA right there on the sidewalk.
4. Public Urination
I’m not advocating for public urination; I just know for a fact that every citizen of San Francisco has made a pit stop in an alley or behind a shrub. Even Dolores Park has an official outdoor urinal, and as long as you aren’t peeing on a cop or a Little Free Library, you’re in the clear. Try taking a piss in public in Portland, and they will throw you in the public stocks so fast, your head will spin.
5. Feces on the Sidewalk
You can’t go three blocks in San Francisco without seeing a log of human excrement left by a roustabout or a jogger. I want to clarify: taking a whiz after a long night at the bar is one thing, but taking a number-two after going to an Indian buffet and relieving yourself in a newspaper box is not cool. Interestingly, in Oregon, the sidewalks are more or less doo-doo-free.
6. Free Drugs
In Oregon, people will give you free marijuana or psychedelics just for walking their dog or watching their bike. In San Francisco, you’ll have to negotiate prices with some guy named “Leafy” on Haight Street for something that might actually just be a Listerine strip.
7. Burritos vs. Coffee
The Bay Area certainly has its share of pros and cons, but one thing it has over the Pacific Northwest is its access to a decent burrito. In Oregon, it seems like the burrito makers have only an abstract idea of what a burrito is.
Drinking on the bus is rad, but stepping in human feces on your way to a job interview really sucks. And yes, not being able to smoke weed in public can be irksome, but I do love sitting inside drinking coffee and watching the rain on an overcast Oregon day.
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